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Thursday, November 21, 2002
THE GORE ON TERROR In this week's FrontPage column, our former Vice President's latest take on the war. Tuesday, November 19, 2002
WEINKOPF.COM FOOTBALL POOL WEEK 11 UPDATE: YOU LIVE FOR THE FIGHT WHEN THAT’S ALL THAT YOU GOT 
New Jersey great Jon Bon Jovi salutes his hometown girl, Jersey Girl Cris, for making the Garden State proud. SHE PLAYS FOR KEEPS, ‘cause she might not make it back. She’s been everywhere, but she’s standing tall. She’s seen a million faces—and she’s rocked them all. She’s Jersey Girl Cris, winner of Week 11 in the Weinkopf.com Football Pool. After a sluggish start to the season, Cris is now going out in a blaze of glory, and giving love a bad name. She’s the first pooler to win back-to-back weeks and the first to break 100 points in a single week. She has also jumped an awesome six spots, from eighth to second place overall, in just two weeks. Cris now seriously challenges her friend WildStyle75 Stacey, who must be living on a prayer. Can there be any doubt who has become the pool’s One To Watch? Clearly, it’s Jersey Girl. You could say she’s wanted—dead or alive. Stick a fork in him Thankfully, the hex seems to have regained its power. Last week it killed brother-in-law When’s Baseball Season Start Bob, saddling him with 25 points, and this week it kept him to a solid but un-spectacular 63. With that, the luckiest man in all of pooldom is—you heard it here first—finished. He’s down to third place and sinking fast, with his random-picking scheme destined for its richly deserved failure. Now that he’s out of the way, we can turn our attention elsewhere. OK, how about the also-rans? How about the also-rans? You gotta pity this week’s second- and third-place finishers, Bruiser Tim (96) and Spurrier Fan Cris (92). Both put in fantastic weeks that would, most any other time, take first place. Unfortunately for both, they happened to break out on the very same week that the defending champ decided to re-write the record books. So while their performances were admirable, they won’t come anywhere close to top billing. Off to the races But let’s spend a moment pondering the spectacular ascent of the Bruiser. OK, so he’s in 15th place overall, which might not sound like much, but bear in mind that this is the guy who missed the first two weeks and was, until recently, stuck in dead last. Now he’s only one point behind yours truly, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan, and easily within striking distance of the Top Ten. This is starting to look like the comeback performance of the year. Not that I’m doing too shabby, either. My slow climb continues, having jumped to 13th place from a previous low of 15. Maybe, just maybe, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan and the Mighty Mighty Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots—the Team Not To Watch—can recover. And in the dumps... Heading in a very different direction is two-time weekly winner, former frontrunner Schizophobes Glen. For the second straight week, the finest sports handicapper in all of New Canaan, CT, turned in his picks too late—this week, apparently, by a matter of minutes. Now he’s down to twelfth place, and his hopes for claiming the title are all but dashed. We’d pity him, but then I’ve made the turn-in-all-your-picks-early pitch a million times, so forget about it. You reap what you sow, and when you sow past the deadline, you reap nothing at all. Then there’s the Blitzburgh Brawler Ben Kepple, who thanks to a few mental lapses of his own, has scored 100 points—8 less than Jersey girl scored this week—in the last four weeks combined. And how about Cappuccino Commando Charles, this week’s loser with 40 points? For three straight weeks he scored in the 50s and 60s, and in the last two he’s scored 65 points combined. His sinking prospects, which, unlike the Brawler’s weren’t self-inflicted, make him our new One Not To Watch. What were you thinking? If there’s one thing we’ve learned in this season of extreme NFL parity, it’s that there’s no such thing as a guaranteed pick. But the closest we’ve probably seen to it all year was this week’s MNF, the hapless Chicago Bears vs. the resurgent St. Louis Rams with no points. Almost everyone in the pool made the obvious and correct pick, even three-year-old Padawan Ebin—everyone, that is, except for Stinky Cheese Tara, who scored a lowly 42 on the week. Family Feuds Domestic disturbance—Grogan’s Heroes Kenny needs only one weekly win to clinch a season victory over his wife, At Least I’m Not a Zebra Elizabeth. But for the second straight week he couldn’t close the deal, falling 67-72. That puts the season tally at Mr. S: 7, Mrs. S: 3. Brothers no more—That blasted Baseball Bob bested me once again, 63-55, taking a season lead of 7-4, and putting himself a mere one win away from clinching the season. The Seesawing Rubushes—Brother Barrio Matthew (83) triumphs over Brother Hail to the Redskins Scott (64), taking a 6-5 lead on the season. NevadaNiner Jason just manages to eke past offspring, Padawan Ebin, 54-50, keeping his season hopes alive. The current score: Father: 4, Son: 7. Q & A OK, let’s revisit last week’s parting questions: Will Wildstyle75 continue her roll? Survey says—not a chance. Sixty-three points on the week is a good showing, but not when the opponent breathing down your neck racks up 108. Will Schizophobes Glen bounce back? Yikes. Not this week, anyway. Will Barrio Bravo, who has not scored less than 49 in six weeks, ever get his picture posted? Only if it’s on America’s Most Wanted. Brother Matthew Rubush had a strong week with 83 points, but not enough to make the marquis. And how about some new questions for the week ahead? OK: Will Flipper Lynn, the perennial fifth-placer, ever win a week? Will Schizophobes Glen get his picks in on time? Will Barrio Bravo, on a roll and now in eighth, crack the top five? The answer to these questions and more in next week’s Weinkopf.com Football Pool Update. Till then, I remain yours, Chris, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan (fade out, music: “It’s My Life”) Monday, November 18, 2002
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